Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that's Memoirs.
People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.
When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur.
A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.
The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking.
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.
The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.
We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.
Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.
Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth.
The fellow that can only see a week ahead is always the popular fellow, for he is looking with the crowd. But the one that can see years ahead, he has a telescope but he can't make anybody believe that he has it.
An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's.
I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?
If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them.
Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it.
The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.
America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but it can think of nothing to do once it gets there.
America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.
I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.
If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.
Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.
All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.
Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.
Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it.
Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans.
Now if there is one thing that we do worse than any other nation, it is try and manage somebody else's affairs.
You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.
The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
One Ad is worth more to a paper than forty Editorials.
I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times.
The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.
We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?