Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.