I can't abide small talk.
I'm the worst ad anyone could possibly be for abstaining from anything.
I've spent so much of my adult life in relationships that it's actually quite pleasant to be alone at last. I turned thirty-six the other day, which staggers me when I think about it.
I once knew a girl who didn't know where anywhere was in the world. Not a clue. I asked her if she knew where Africa was and she answered, 'Is it the orange one on a map?'
I like a decent funeral, and God knows in my family we've seen enough of them. Looking through family photographs now is like watching an episode of 'Dad's Army.'
Looking through family photographs now is like watching an episode of 'Dad's Army.' My relatives seem to drop like flies around me. Who's next? Will it be someone I can't stand?