It's about you. If you win, it's you; if you lose, it's you. Black and white. Nowhere to hide.
It is a big adjustment but I've always loved that old saying of Jack Nicklaus: 'I retired from golf to go to work.' That sums it up for me.
You can't really describe how difficult it is to deal with. It is any athlete's worst nightmare to be accused of cheating by taking drugs. It really is very difficult to put into words how it makes you feel.