In actual life I am a grumpy old bag.
I have had the unfortunate experience of having someone write an unauthorised biography of me. Half of it is lies and the other half is badly written. My feeling is that if I'm going to write my life story, I ought to have my life first.
I haven't really ever had to audition for anything.
I love it when somebody makes me laugh - it's what attracts me to people.
I'm constantly astounded by how amazing women are. And as we go through all these different stages of life as long as you share them with others and say, 'Well, this is bloody weird', you can get through everything.
Why would anyone want to be called a size zero or even aspire to being a zero? I don't even understand the thinking behind it, let alone the practicalities. What is all that about?
I think of myself now as a writer, although I wouldn't go as far as to say 'novelist' because that sounds like a Victorian person.
Any people whose lives are about the way they look, whether it's fat or thin, are in a dangerous area.
My approach to parenting is that everything is open - everything. I'm not very good at covert, or subtle, and I've had to learn timing. I do blunder in a bit.
I do think you are supposed to go through wars with your child because otherwise the tearing apart that has to happen when they go off to lead their own life would be unbearable.
My daughter couldn't care less about me being famous. She finds it revolting and, like a lot of teenagers, is virtually allergic to me. That started at 12 and hasn't gone anywhere yet.
My best friend is the most important girl, outside of family, to me. I met her when I went to college and we bonded immediately. I'd do anything for her at any time. We phone each other every day.
I've chosen to stay in a jolly place for most of my life, and that is a lot of who I am.
I'll always be a fat girl and I am happy with that.
Turn up your radio. Watch lots of telly and eat loads of choc. Feel guilty. Stay up all night. Learn everything in six hours that has taken you two years to compile. That's how I did it.
I'm not a big drinking person and hardly ever have alcohol. Perhaps it's not sweet enough for my sweet tooth.
I'm known among my friends for saying things I probably shouldn't sometimes, but I have to get things out in the air.
The person I have admired the most in comedy terms would be Eric Morecambe, who is my total hero.
When I wrote 'Dear Fatty,' I realised that sitting and writing alone is an absolute joy.